


the masks they were

by nonbinaryvamp



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Abuse, Noooo, Parental Abuse, Suicide, definitely nottttt, i'm not venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 10:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16262219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonbinaryvamp/pseuds/nonbinaryvamp
Summary: She goes through her brother’s room. She considers lighting a candle. Imagines it will burn down the castle while no one’s looking.She doesn’t light it.





	the masks they were

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh,,, as usual, read the tags and dont be mad abt my personal take.
> 
> OH and the title is "the masks they WERE" it's intentionally not "WEAR" ok thanks.

Imagine Zoe finding her brother’s dead body. Whether she has remorse or not doesn’t matter. This is her big brother’s body. He’s clearly dead. Or maybe he isn’t. Maybe she watches him take his last breathe while he’s carried away. Maybe she’s shocked and does nothing while he struggles for a final second. Maybe she screams- it’s the only reason her mother runs to find her. Her father doesn’t care.

Imagine later, the note is found. She sleeps with it in her arms. Not because she regrets her feelings. Because she’s confused. She’s so confused. Her mother wakes her up for school, she takes the note with her when Zoe says she’s not going in. Her father comes to her door when her mother calls. He yells. They cower. Zoe moves- she slams the door and pushes a dresser in front of it. Her mother cries. Her father screams she’s a disappointment. She can tell it wasn’t meant for her to hear. That makes it hurt worse.

Later, her parents go to school that day. She’s “sick.” She goes through her brother’s room. She considers lighting a candle. Imagines it will burn down the castle while no one’s looking.

She doesn’t light it.

After that, time is hazy. She cries and she doesn’t know why. She’s relieved, elated, but disappointing beyond belief. She had always held the hope of him becoming better. She assumes it’s an immature wish to want him dead and alive, all the same.

Evan comes to visit. She comes out of her room just for that. They believe she’s been mourning. He says he’s sorry. She bites her cheek and tastes blood.

Her parents behave like dolls with Evan around. When Cynthia goes a bit too far she’s quick to stop herself and ignore Zoe’s looks. Larry becomes the perfect dad. He won’t admit he’s never tried to understand his children. He won’t admit he yells, he won’t admit he scares them all. Because her big brother was once scared too. She doesn’t remember much from that time. Before he became Connor.

Evan regales of a time he and Connor were friends. He shows emails. Zoe remembers her brother picking on her for her email pen-pals. He wasn’t quite a monster back then. They were naive. They laughed and played.

She thinks bitterly of that time. They really were naive. It went downhill from there. Connor learned from their dad. Connor scared her. Cynthia and Larry didn’t care.

Evan doesn’t see the lies. He doesn’t see her pain, or her relief. He sees Cynthia talk about Connor as if she helped him. He sees Larry play the role of the trying dad. He replaces Connor, slowly. Surely. He replaces her big brother and the monster alike. There’s something about that that she just doesn’t like. It makes her shudder when the blinds are drawn. He never played that role before.

It’s almost like a mask they wear.


End file.
